Post a song that makes you laugh.
- Thread starter Charlie Bernstein
- Start date
JohnW63
Enlightened Member
"The clubs pay, in the form of hefty annual dues to ASCAP/BMI which give them a blanket license."
So that's why most everyone has to play original stuff these days. The bars and clubs don't want to pay more fees. I got the impression that the fees are a lot steeper or a lot more enforced, now. Did the clubs get policed by the record labels in the 60s much?
So that's why most everyone has to play original stuff these days. The bars and clubs don't want to pay more fees. I got the impression that the fees are a lot steeper or a lot more enforced, now. Did the clubs get policed by the record labels in the 60s much?
Midnight Toker
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No, clubs that have regular live music still pay for the ascap/bmi license, and tribute bands are still very popular. Nostalgia sells. There was no enforcement in the 60's. Copyright/royalty enforcement did'nt start until the music business was a mega cash cow. (Go figure) It's ALWAYS about the money.
Charlie Bernstein
Senior Member
That's what I assumed. After all, they're just cover bands.
Interesting! I'll bet you're right.
Charlie Bernstein
Senior Member
I wish that were true around here. It's hard to find venues that will put up with many originals, and they only like the ones that sound unoriginal, like mine.
The only places that tolerate them are the ones that don't pay licensing fees, and they prefer traditional public-domain tunes — trad Irish, for instance.
Last edited:
Charlie Bernstein
Senior Member
They're funny, but I can't make out the words.
fronobulax
Bassist, GAD and the Hot Mess Mods
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Like everything, it depends. But if I am performing in your arena, on your stage, in your park or bar or whatever, I can play anything I want. You, as the venue owner are responsible for licensing the music that I play. The venue owner is the first person who will get a visit from the lawyers. This is why there are a handful of venues that make the performers agree in writing to only perform original material. As composer I waive my right to licensing fees from my performance and the venue owner saves a couple of bucks.
Prince of Darkness
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Neil Innes was a great talent, with an amazing career in satire / parody / comedy music. His work with The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, The Grimms, Monty Python and The Rutles stands up both as comedy and music. I often wonder how his career would have developed if he had left out the humour
Prince of Darkness
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I added this song to my repertoire last winter. Playing at my new group's first gig on Sunday.
Based on a true story.
Keep on Fishin' by J. Campbell
Dm, Am E Am
Ya know, sometimes you can't win for tryin'.
Couldn't find a fish if fish were flyin'.
The nets and cables all get knotted,
And the engine runs like the diesel's clotted.
And nothin' goes like ya think it oughtta.
Ya haul bag on bag on bag of water.
You'd think you mighta died and gone to heaven If you could just get a job at a 7-11.
Well it was ice and rain and freezin' up hard.
We had three sea robins and a 7-inch cod.
Takin' on water, losing the rudder,
And the dinged up prop made the whole boat shudder.
We were halfway done haulin' back
When the cable let go with a helluva crack.
Took out the cook as he stood at the rail, Scrambled his eggs, dead as a nail.
Well we all stood around, thumbin' our butts.
We hadta do somethin' but we didn't know what.
And though he kinda looked under the weather,
Most of us thought he'd never looked much better.
Chorus:
But we had fuel and ice to pay,
And we'd just steamed out yesterday.
He was a real good hand and we sure will miss him,
But we iced him down and we kept on fishin'.
Well, if you said we were cold, I'd have to agree,
But no colder than him, by "cod" to thee.
'Sides it's quiet and peaceful under the decking
an' He couldn't say jacksh*t about it, I reckon.
So while he was lying and chillin' down there,
We took a vote: "Yeah, he'll make a whole share."
And most of us thought that was a damn good deal,
Seein' as how we'd had to cook our own meals.
Chorus
Well, it took us awhile to finish that trip.
Down at the dock they gave us some lip.
An' the Coast Guard come down to see what was about,
But the bastards wouldn't help us lugging him out.
They said we "Had no respect for the dead"
But they were lucky we just didn't gut 'im and head 'im.
And when it came time to go fishin' again, don't you know
We couldn't find a single dude in Point Judith willing to go.
(Chorus)
(Final chorus
When you got fuel and ice to pay, And you just steamed out yesterday, You might feel bad and you might miss him, (Spoken But when you're into a big ol' mess-o'-fish you just gotta (Sung keep on fishin'!
Based on a true story.
Keep on Fishin' by J. Campbell
Dm, Am E Am
Ya know, sometimes you can't win for tryin'.
Couldn't find a fish if fish were flyin'.
The nets and cables all get knotted,
And the engine runs like the diesel's clotted.
And nothin' goes like ya think it oughtta.
Ya haul bag on bag on bag of water.
You'd think you mighta died and gone to heaven If you could just get a job at a 7-11.
Well it was ice and rain and freezin' up hard.
We had three sea robins and a 7-inch cod.
Takin' on water, losing the rudder,
And the dinged up prop made the whole boat shudder.
We were halfway done haulin' back
When the cable let go with a helluva crack.
Took out the cook as he stood at the rail, Scrambled his eggs, dead as a nail.
Well we all stood around, thumbin' our butts.
We hadta do somethin' but we didn't know what.
And though he kinda looked under the weather,
Most of us thought he'd never looked much better.
Chorus:
But we had fuel and ice to pay,
And we'd just steamed out yesterday.
He was a real good hand and we sure will miss him,
But we iced him down and we kept on fishin'.
Well, if you said we were cold, I'd have to agree,
But no colder than him, by "cod" to thee.
'Sides it's quiet and peaceful under the decking
an' He couldn't say jacksh*t about it, I reckon.
So while he was lying and chillin' down there,
We took a vote: "Yeah, he'll make a whole share."
And most of us thought that was a damn good deal,
Seein' as how we'd had to cook our own meals.
Chorus
Well, it took us awhile to finish that trip.
Down at the dock they gave us some lip.
An' the Coast Guard come down to see what was about,
But the bastards wouldn't help us lugging him out.
They said we "Had no respect for the dead"
But they were lucky we just didn't gut 'im and head 'im.
And when it came time to go fishin' again, don't you know
We couldn't find a single dude in Point Judith willing to go.
(Chorus)
(Final chorus
When you got fuel and ice to pay, And you just steamed out yesterday, You might feel bad and you might miss him, (Spoken
But when you're into a big ol' mess-o'-fish you just gotta (Sung keep on fishin'!
Balderdash
Member
Wrote this for an open mic years ago.
(Not based on anything in particular, true or otherwise…)
”The Mayor of Paradise”
My daytime job in this dreary city
Was absolutely kickin’ my butt
What I needed was a little vacation
To lift me oughta my rut.
There’s a Jimmy Buffett song
About “Cheeseburgers”, I was singin‘ along
What a notion to escape to paradise,
I booked it, and took Mr Buffett’s advise.
So there I was; eatin’ a cheeseburger
In the town of Paradise by the sea,
When a great big blob of mustard dribbled out
And it landed on my knee.
Now, I know you can understand
I couldn’t look cool with that,
So I twanged it, two tables over,
Where it landed on some lady’s hat.
Well, I guess she was a little upset,
I guess that’s what you might say,
Cuz a great big red plastic bottle of catsup
She stood up and squirted my way.
But, only a little bit of catsup,
Hit me on the ear,
Most of splattered a cute little waitress
Who was carrying a tray of beer.
Well, the waitress heaved that whole tray of beer
At the lady with the hat,
But, she mostly hit six other people,
At a table near where she sat.
Soon there were burgers, fries and bottles
Flyin’ through the air.
My momma didn’t raise no dummy -
I headed for the stair.
Hat-lady and beer-waitress chased me,
Catsup bottles in hand.
All indications were my escape
Wasn‘t working out like I had planned.
I raced up to a balcony,
Way up on the fourth floor.
There was a clothesline, loaded with underwear
It was hooked there, by the door.
The clothesline angled down over Main Street,
As it went through town
So, I grabbed a bra that was hangin’ there by my head
And I just zip lined down.
Now, this could be a huge risk I was taking
If you think about it for a minute
A huge mistake I might be making
To sing a song with a bra in it.
But, there I was, holding on with both hands,
As I hopped over the balcony rail,
Thinking frantically to myself;
“I hope this dainty thing doesn’t fail !”
I was hopin’ to make the park
On the other side of the street
People, trees, and cars were going by
Right under my feet
I was zipping down that clothesline
The sidewalk I had cleared,
But, somewhere out over the middle of Main Street
The bra broke, as I had feared.
(Bridge)
There I was in free-fall. No parachute, no trampoline
Imagine my imminent future, this could be a such a bloody scene
Sudden impact on the asphalt would almost certainly be my fate
And all I could think about, was the cheeseburger I’d left on my plate !
There was a streetlight right below.
As I flashed by I noticed it was green.
And I plunged right the open moving skylight
Of the mayor’s limousine !!
Now, everybody knew that mayor.
Everybody knew he was “on the take”.
But, the cops couldn’t catch that creepy crook,
They couldn’t nail the slimy snake.
There was a payoff going down in the car,
Right then and there!
When I plunged through the open skylight,
Hundred dollar bills flew everywhere.
The cops and D.A. now had him,
He was arrested and put away !
As the guy who collected all the evidence,
I was elected the new mayor the next day !
So there I was;
The brand new mayor of the town of Paradise !
Friends and neighbors, I gotta tell ya;
The benefits are really nice !
Now I get to eat cheeseburgers,
Twice every day !
And the fine police of Paradise
Keep ”hat lady” far away !
(Not based on anything in particular, true or otherwise…)
”The Mayor of Paradise”
My daytime job in this dreary city
Was absolutely kickin’ my butt
What I needed was a little vacation
To lift me oughta my rut.
There’s a Jimmy Buffett song
About “Cheeseburgers”, I was singin‘ along
What a notion to escape to paradise,
I booked it, and took Mr Buffett’s advise.
So there I was; eatin’ a cheeseburger
In the town of Paradise by the sea,
When a great big blob of mustard dribbled out
And it landed on my knee.
Now, I know you can understand
I couldn’t look cool with that,
So I twanged it, two tables over,
Where it landed on some lady’s hat.
Well, I guess she was a little upset,
I guess that’s what you might say,
Cuz a great big red plastic bottle of catsup
She stood up and squirted my way.
But, only a little bit of catsup,
Hit me on the ear,
Most of splattered a cute little waitress
Who was carrying a tray of beer.
Well, the waitress heaved that whole tray of beer
At the lady with the hat,
But, she mostly hit six other people,
At a table near where she sat.
Soon there were burgers, fries and bottles
Flyin’ through the air.
My momma didn’t raise no dummy -
I headed for the stair.
Hat-lady and beer-waitress chased me,
Catsup bottles in hand.
All indications were my escape
Wasn‘t working out like I had planned.
I raced up to a balcony,
Way up on the fourth floor.
There was a clothesline, loaded with underwear
It was hooked there, by the door.
The clothesline angled down over Main Street,
As it went through town
So, I grabbed a bra that was hangin’ there by my head
And I just zip lined down.
Now, this could be a huge risk I was taking
If you think about it for a minute
A huge mistake I might be making
To sing a song with a bra in it.
But, there I was, holding on with both hands,
As I hopped over the balcony rail,
Thinking frantically to myself;
“I hope this dainty thing doesn’t fail !”
I was hopin’ to make the park
On the other side of the street
People, trees, and cars were going by
Right under my feet
I was zipping down that clothesline
The sidewalk I had cleared,
But, somewhere out over the middle of Main Street
The bra broke, as I had feared.
(Bridge)
There I was in free-fall. No parachute, no trampoline
Imagine my imminent future, this could be a such a bloody scene
Sudden impact on the asphalt would almost certainly be my fate
And all I could think about, was the cheeseburger I’d left on my plate !
There was a streetlight right below.
As I flashed by I noticed it was green.
And I plunged right the open moving skylight
Of the mayor’s limousine !!
Now, everybody knew that mayor.
Everybody knew he was “on the take”.
But, the cops couldn’t catch that creepy crook,
They couldn’t nail the slimy snake.
There was a payoff going down in the car,
Right then and there!
When I plunged through the open skylight,
Hundred dollar bills flew everywhere.
The cops and D.A. now had him,
He was arrested and put away !
As the guy who collected all the evidence,
I was elected the new mayor the next day !
So there I was;
The brand new mayor of the town of Paradise !
Friends and neighbors, I gotta tell ya;
The benefits are really nice !
Now I get to eat cheeseburgers,
Twice every day !
And the fine police of Paradise
Keep ”hat lady” far away !
Last edited:
dadglasser
Member
The Boswell Sisters, Shuffle off to Buffalo:
Stagefright
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For those of us that traded our security blanket for a musical instrument.
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Nathaniel Ratliff and the Night Sweats.
You'll know it when you see it.
You'll know it when you see it.
dadglasser
Member
Steve Goodman, Door Number Three: