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AcornHouse

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Some nurse humor from Jimmy Carr and Jo Brand on QI series K


A nurse found a rectal thermometer in her pocket and said “Oh no, some a#@$ole’s got my pen!”


A nurse comes running in and says to the Matron “Oh dear, I think I’ve gotten something the wrong way ‘round. You asked me to prick someone’s boil.”


What’s the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer?
The taste
 

walrus

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Great, more stuff to worry about if I'm back in the hospital...

walrus
 

dreadnut

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Old boy says "Doc, I can't hear squat out of my right ear!"

Doc says "Well no wonder!" and pulls a suppository out of his ear.

Old boy says "Well, I bet I know where my hearing aid is now~!"
 

The Guilds of Grot

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A runs into the psychiatrist office and starts babbling; "Wigwam, teepee, wigwam. teepee! The Doctor says; "calm down and try to relax, you're too tense!"
 

adorshki

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Gynecologist to patient's spouse:
"By golly you're right, it does look like an Edsel!"
 

F312

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Refresher; Why did the doctor use two fingers for a prostate exam?

He wanted to get a second opinion.

Ralph
 

adorshki

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Proctologist to nurse: "I need a light"
Nurse hands him a can of Miller.
"No, nurse! I meant a Butt light!"
 

JerryR

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A runs into the psychiatrist office and starts babbling; "Wigwam, teepee, wigwam. teepee! The Doctor says; "calm down and try to relax, you're too tense!"
"Doctor doctor, I think I'm a pair of drapes!"

"Aw, pull yourself together!"
 
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