Never buy a "Gilled" Guitar

[JerryR]

[quote="coastie99
That would surely be Captain Peter ("Pud") Pullar........ he's referenced in the Mammaries biography, "Ain't No Tit-For-Tat Here !"

Believe it or not, in the late eighties the guy beside me on a rather long flight was reading that very book. He let me take a quick look and as I remember I flipped to a few of the latter chapters. In the limited time I had with the book I recall reading about some of the sadder moments of the band. It seems that record sales began to sag in the later years. The tours were a disaster because they couldn't get any support from sponsors. That, of course, led the record company to release a string of "Breast Of" albums. Simply put, The Mammaries had drooped to the point of no return.

Thought it was a while since I saw a copy of their 'Greatest tits' album :mrgreen:

 

[Darryl Hattenhauer]

Thought it was a while since I saw a copy of their 'Greatest tits' album

Which reminds me....
http://bigpondmusic.com/Album/Duane-Edd ... m-All.aspx

 

[eastcoastbuzz]

Thought it was a while since I saw a copy of their 'Greatest tits' album :mrgreen:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[The Guilds of Grot]

I think this thread is beginning to flounder!

 

[capnjuan]

Hey Kurt; let's not Carp ... this thread has been Hind-tit for several pages although a couple of posts made me want to Grunt. :wink:

 

[Default]

Hey cap, if you had been near them in their prime, you'd want to grouper.

 

[john_kidder]

I think this thread is beginning to flounder!

It's been bottom-fishing from the outset.

 

[The Guilds of Grot]

So you're saying it's time to fish or cut bait?

 

[Darryl Hattenhauer]

You don't know stink until you've eaten surstromming, the rotting fish of Sweden. After you eat this, you could chew on a skunk for a breath freshener.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcnfEVqNdoA

 

[eastcoastbuzz]

So, we have gone from fish to topless women and back again and I have been pondering how to tie this all together. Here’s my take.

First, a bit of history. It seems that one of the members of “Thanks 4 the Mammaries” had a grandmother who was a pretty fair dancer and comedian in the late 1800’s. Just like Mr. Bojangles, she “danced for those in minstrel shows throughout the South”. Well, be it genes or just plain old family influence, the result was a brief passage of time in which the Mammaries (all of them at once, it seems) went through what they termed their own “Minstrel Period”. On stage, they danced, sang and performed comedy skits. To the audiences, all seemed well. However, behind the scenes, the Mammaries were quite an ornery lot. They were cranky, irritable and just plain impossible to get along with. Fortunately, this condition did not last too long, but based on the quotes I have read from some of the members, it did seem to recur pretty much on a monthly basis.

Why the history? Well, I think the lesson we can all learn is this. If your mate is PMS-ing, it’s probably best to just go fishing!

 

[coastie99]

Buzzer..... you're gonna have a hard time believing this extraordinary tale, but......

There I am last night, down at the Electric Puha Bar downing a few cold ones, when this bloke sidles up to me. He's drinking a Penis Colada, and, I have to tell ya, I'm deeply suspicious of jokers who drink Penis Coladas ! Especially so when they're sidling as well.

He speaks to me in a strange dialect, and he has a very disconcerting tic. But he lets the tic out of the matchbox in which he keeps it, and it happily runs up and down the top of the bar, searching for dermal detritus. I look all around the place, and cannot see anybody who looks even faintly Irish !

So, this joker introduces himself in this peculiar dialect, and it turns out that he's an American on holiday in Newsyland. He tells me where he's from, but I'm having trouble understanding him.... sounded like "Creosote". Is there a place in the US named Creosote ?

In a short while, I'm starting to understand him a little clearer, and he says to me "You look like a mammaries type of fella." I reply that yes, a nice bosom, even two, is very pleasant to the eye, but I'm really a leg-man.

He looks puzzled at this and then a smile of understanding crosses his face. "No no !!" he says. "You misunderstand; I meant the all-girl group of the sixties and seventies, the Mammaries."

Well; tie me to a tree and call me Brenda ! I'm hornswoggled ! ( I think that's the right word. I saw it long ago in a comic).

I recover, and say to him "That's incredible ! I hang out on a guitar forum with some loonies who have just been discussing that very subject !"

By now, whatsisname is wolfing down the Penis Coladas which, together with his strange accent, is again making him difficult to understand.

But, it appears that he attended an early reunion concert of the Mammaries before going on holiday. He opined that the Mammaries were still a little under-prepared but thought they were probably in Fayreform. He described their choice of material as being fairly eclectic; everything between Granny Funk and Granny Punk is how he described it. He recalls a lot of old faves, and some rousing new material including a defiant "Screw Mr. Gravity", and a melodic little ditty titled "(Shoop, shoop) Don't Fear the Droop !"

And, very interestingly, a storming version of Fleetwood Mac's "Rattlesnake Shake", dedicated they said, "To our good friend Pud Pullar, God rest his soul. Hope he's still baiting his hook."

Whatsisname also recalled a few bawdy Blues numbers in "drooped" tuning. I'm sure his mind was elsewhere, and he actually meant dropped tuning !

And, he recalls, a very "geezer-friendly" gig. Plenty of handy parking room for wheelchairs and zimmer frames, a team of paramedics, and a pharmacist dispensing essential substances and personal-comfort articles.

By now, whatsisname was well in his cups, and I decided to go. The tic took no notice of my departure.... he was munching on some yummy flakes of dandruff he'd found atop the bar.

I was knackered and needed my bed. It was seven-thirty !

 

[coastie99]

ECB,

I'm going to wear my old knickers. You know what I mean--the things that New York City basketball players bock.

hf

Here in Newsyland, we loon pantas !

 

[eastcoastbuzz]

Buzzer..... you're gonna have a hard time believing this extraordinary tale, but......'

Wow, Coastie, that is a fantas-tic story! I was ecsta-tic to hear that the Mammaries are still doing "Screw Mr. Gravity" As I recall, that was originally done in a pretty high key. They probably carp-o at the fourth fret now and sing it in the lower octave.

Now back to the tic - I actually spoke with Buzz (no relation) Aldrin after his historic visit to the moon. It seems that NASA had forbidden him to disclose all that he discovered up there. He swore me to secrecy, but I think enough time has passed that I can now spill the beans. Apparently, he encountered a small, blood sucking parasite up there (I know - this is hard to believe considering the conditions up there and I must admit I am still a little skep-tic-al). Anyway, he brought the little varmit back with him (he is still not sure how it compromised his space suit and meandered to his crotch) and had the NASA scientists check it out. Well, of course, they immediately knew what this little sucker was, but they were perplexed as to how it had survived on the moon. The official NASA determination was that it was a "Luna-tic", pretty much like all of us on this thread.

Now back to Buzz Aldrin - last I spoke with him he was living in retirement in quite an interesting house. He said he and his wife found the perfect spot to retire and they fell in love with the property and its surroundings. Problem was, the house itself was designed by a quirky architect who had designed a 70 foot corridor connecting two sections of the dwelling. Buzz said it bothered him at first, but he is settled in now and he figures he is in it for the long hall.

 

[bighouse]

Good heavens! I decided to catch up on my reading on the forum here last night - who knows why - and up until I encountered this thread (all 5 pages of it) my time spent browsing here could well have been described as salmon chanted evening.

 

[Guildmark]

Good heavens! I decided to catch up on my reading on the forum here last night - who knows why - and up until I encountered this thread (all 5 pages of it) my time spent browsing here could well have been described as salmon chanted evening.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
"Sam and Janet Evening!
You may see a stranger!"

 

[fronobulax]

salmon chanted evening.

Which reminds me that, before Ritchie Blackmore rose to fame, he tried his hand at fish processing in the Pacific Northwest. Seems the idea was to bring the processing right to the water. Catch the salmon, gut 'em, smoke 'em and all you have to ship is the finished product. Of course having the fires right there by the rivers was a problem but the experience did inspire the great classic "Smoke on the Water".

 

[JerryR]

Buzzer..... you're gonna have a hard time believing this extraordinary tale, but......'

I actually spoke with Buzz (no relation) Aldrin after his historic visit to the moon. It seems that NASA had forbidden him to disclose all that he discovered up there. Apparently, he encountered a small, blood sucking parasite up there.

They have lawyers on the moon :shock:

 

[Default]

Of course the big problem with smoking salmon has always been keeping them lit.

 

[coastie99]

Good heavens! I decided to catch up on my reading on the forum here last night - who knows why - and up until I encountered this thread (all 5 pages of it) my time spent browsing here could well have been described as salmon chanted evening.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
"Sam and Janet Evening!
You may see a stranger!"

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[JerryR]

Of course the big problem with smoking salmon has always been keeping them lit.

Not if you use a fishing hookah :wink: