My buddy

[dreadnut]

Yeah, my buddy just gets carried away with making the guitar loud. He's excited!

 

[Nuuska]

. . . (Not for thirty years, thank Dog!) . . .

Illiterate agnostic suffering of insomnia ?

 

[chazmo]

Part of collaborating is (IMO) complete honesty with respect to the music. If you don't like something, you discuss it. If someone can't accept constructive criticism, I'd avoid playing with them. The whole point is to grow musically, right?

 

[crank]

I was trying to play a duo thing with another guitarist. He was good, but, he had never played with anyone. He felt free to criticize my playing - fine. My process is I throw a bunch of stuff in to see what works and what doesn't and then refine and pare my parts. But when I mentioned to him that his playing was kind of busy at certain points he took great offense and told me that he had been playing with the greatest bands for 30 years. I told him playing along to the record and playing with another person are very different things. We parted ways.

 

[Guildedagain]

I used to beat on my guitar way too hard, I stopped after I started recording myself more, and wife asking to play softer. Overplaying is a tough habit to break.

 

[Teleguy61]

So my friend and I know a thousand songs together, melodies and harmonies, what fun. We have been playing together for 30+ years.

But he bangs on his guitar...he just hammers that sucker on the downstroke.. I have not confronted him about it, I just endure it. He has a nice guitar too. It's just so much a part of his style that I don't want to burst his bubble.

In my opinion the sound needs to be coaxed from the guitar, not forced.

Advice? Other than playing all hard-charging songs, LOL.

Tricky, this.
I always cringe at guitar thrashers--"He's going to hurt that poor little guitar!"

 

[Guildedagain]

I never even came close to hurting mine, just hitting the strings too hard. Brutality making up for lack of finesse.

I decided it was way better to go easier and try to visualize any scale in your head and apply it to the guitar without making a mistake, and I'm still working on that, the ability to play anything anywhere without error, mind over matter.

 

[walrus]

So....

I don't follow this at all. You have a good friend. You have been playing together for 30+ years. You have been having fun each time.

It sounds like you have been blessed with a great friendship, and a great playing partner, that many of us would envy.

And now you, 30 years on, you want to tell him you don't like the way he plays?

If it was me, I'd be happy we are still playing together after all these years, having fun and enjoying each other's company. I wouldn't say a word.

walrus

 

[davismanLV]

So....

I don't follow this at all. You have a good friend. You have been playing together for 30+ years. You have been having fun each time.

It sounds like you have been blessed with a great friendship, and a great playing partner, that many of us would envy.

And now you, 30 years on, you want to tell him you don't like the way he plays?

If it was me, I'd be happy we are still playing together after all these years, having fun and enjoying each other's company. I wouldn't say a word.

walrus

100% agree!! After 30 years, I'd say your window of opportunity to effect change has probably closed. And even if you decide to address this problem, the risk of it offending is greater after 30 years. There are some good ideas about recording and then playing back and maybe pointing out his hammering, but that's just one method of many that could blow up and ruin a friendship. And after all these years, how's his hearing? Most of us experience diminished hearing as time marches on. Maybe he needs some help in that area? Yet another thing to consider. Tread cautiously.

 

[fronobulax]

So....

I don't follow this at all. You have a good friend. You have been playing together for 30+ years. You have been having fun each time.

It sounds like you have been blessed with a great friendship, and a great playing partner, that many of us would envy.

And now you, 30 years on, you want to tell him you don't like the way he plays?

If it was me, I'd be happy we are still playing together after all these years, having fun and enjoying each other's company. I wouldn't say a word.

walrus

Let it be known that I am wholeheartedly agreeing with @walrus which probably should happen more often than it does because I am often that jerk who has to be Right.

I might ask what bothers you and why does it bother you. I would then consider the possibility that the only changes are going to be the ones you make yourself. That suggests you don't have to say anything, just do something that makes things easier for you.

After 30 years, why does this bother you now?

 

[spoox]

This can be a tough call. I've been playing with our band members since high school--they all know my limitations as a guitarist, and will call me out for
something I could do better. I have no ego when it comes to my playing, but I'm the main songwriter and they always wind up liking the riffs, tunes and lyrics I write. They are all far better musicians than I'll ever be but they always trust my instincts when it comes to how something should sound. We're
friends foremost and enjoy playing together--that to me is the secret of our "success" as a group. But I would have to agree that to wait 30 years to make a comment about someone's playing might be like telling your wife after 30 years "Say honey, I was going to mention this when we were dating, but could you lighten up on that skunk juice you use for perfume?"

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Illiterate agnostic suffering of insomnia ?

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

 

[richardp69]

So....

I don't follow this at all. You have a good friend. You have been playing together for 30+ years. You have been having fun each time.

It sounds like you have been blessed with a great friendship, and a great playing partner, that many of us would envy.

And now you, 30 years on, you want to tell him you don't like the way he plays?

If it was me, I'd be happy we are still playing together after all these years, having fun and enjoying each other's company. I wouldn't say a word.

walrus

1 million % agree with this sentiment. I mean, let's be honest, not very many of us are going to go on to be famous or even well known musicians. For most of us, it's all about fun and enjoyment.

 

[LeFinPepere]

I have a buddy , we've been playing together since we were 15. We don't meet so often now, he lives a bit far from my place .We usually go through the "Hey, look, can you play this lick?" moment, you know, guitar competition, but , after a few drinks,we let go, and we play the stupidest riffs that come to mind till we laugh our heads off !This fellow can weave the most hilarious licks ever known to mankind.
We're childish.We play....for the sheer fun of it..

 

[Uke]

Dread, sounds like this dilemma with your friend is the same dilemma long term couples have been trying to figure out for centuries: how to deal with a significant other's warts.

 

[davismanLV]

Dread, sounds like this dilemma with your friend is the same dilemma long term couples have been trying to figure out for centuries: how to deal with a significant other's warts.

No, but really....

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Just gigged today with two guys I've been playing with for a long time.

Each has limitations that could drive me crazy if I let 'em.

But I have limitations, too, and they seem to put up with me no matter what I botch.

So what happened? We played for three hours, screwed up a lot, had a blast, and got paid for it. What's wrong with that? Nuthin!

So, Dread, assuming you're not the Platonic ideal of a musician, just think of it this way: He puts up with you, so you should be able to put up with him!

 

[dreadnut]

You're all right, I'm just being an old curmudgeon. I will ascertain to focus on all the positive aspects of our musical relationship.

Maybe I'll ask to play his guitar and just play some sweet melody on it at standard volume.

 

[D30Man]

That's a tough one, Dread.

 

[Roland]

Dread, sounds like this dilemma with your friend is the same dilemma long term couples have been trying to figure out for centuries: how to deal with a significant other's warts.

My wife is the bass player. Believe me, I keep it all to myself. No use starting a war I'm not going to win.