spoox
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So fifty years ago this month we played at the Fox West Coast Theater in Long Beach, California. Prior to this we had mainly performed at the Venice Pavilion and small clubs in the L.A. area. The Fox had a capacity of 2000 people, so this was going to be a big deal for us. A couple months before, I'd read Bill Griffith's TALES OF TOAD #2, and told the other members that this is the direction in which we should be heading. One story in the comic dealt with a performance at a talent show in which Mr. the Toad, his nephew, and Zippy the Pinhead created an act so incredibly horrible that the audience almost rioted. For some strange reason the rest of our group thought my idea was a great one, and Andrew the bass player wrote "The Penis Song". The only lyrics I remember are "Penis, penis--always on my mind. Penis, penis never hard to find...Let me tell you about my penis...". So in preparation for the event after each rehearsal the band would carve penes out of styrofoam until we had dozens in all shapes and sizes. Now the Fox Long Beach had been getting really great performers every weekend: Linda Ronstadt, Commander Cody, Daddy Cool, Capt. Beefheart were just some of the acts I'd seen there back then.
We were to play on a Monday when local bands were given a chance for more exposure--no pay, but hey! 2000 person audience! However at the last minute every Monday for three weeks in a row we were told we were a no go. Each week Andrew's girlfriend and my wife had requested that Monday off so they could see us but finally both figured it was never going to happen so of course that was the week we were told be there by 6:00 P.M. I of course had a raging sore throat and it killed me to talk let alone sing.
So we arrived and were told we could go on first or last--I was hoping that eating thee packs of Hall's by the last show I could at least squeak out something, so last it was.
Next problem--Steve, our lead guitarist stated that he couldn't go on stage because he'd never played in front of that many people before. Gary our conga player took him next door to a liquor store and bought a huge bottle of cheap wine which they split. As we waited in the basement of the theater, Steve would come down each hour obviously more "loose" than before, and finally when Steve could only make guitar sounds with his mouth instead of speaking Chuck said "I think he's ready!".
First song was Land Of the Jy-Ants--this pre heavy metal drone the bass player wrote. The crowd roared their approval and I said "This is going to be easy!" to Chuck.
The audience was more or less still with us until THE PENIS SONG. Andrew started it, and when it came to part when the conga player and guitarist were talking about their
appendages, Chuck and I came out in masks: I danced with the two largest ones while Chuck opened a suitcase and started throwing the phalli out into the audience. People started screaming as if the styrofoam was burning their flesh and thus began the great stampede. By the end of the song over 3/4ths of the audience ran screaming out of the venue. Arvin, the manager of the theater, as I can recall clearly, had picked up one of the styrofoam penes, sadly shook his head and dropped it as if to say "What has rock and roll become?". In front of the stage, there was a carpeted area in which the stoners would sit--the ones that had lost the ability to run were trying to roll away from us.
I did another costume change after and came out in my American flag shirt Vicki had made me to do the Killer's HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL. At that point we got a standing applause from the handful of people that were still there. As we were picking up the remaining bits of styrofoam the sound guy came up to us from his booth.
"Hey! You guys, did you know Beefheart was here last week?"
"Yeah, we were there".
"You guys are a lot weirder than Beefheart!".
Aftermath: Steve was supposed to take an X-ray technician exam the next day, but had such a bad hangover he couldn't make it, and his wife made him quit the band.
Friday of that week we were scheduled to appear on the Eliot Mintz show on local TV, so of course we couldn't make it. We had other shows we'd been committed to
so we had to get another guitarist and teach him all out material in a two week period. We never played Andrew's song again, although we'd sure like to get together
this year and recreate our most memorable performance! I'd told the band that the only thing better than an audience liking you was one that was afraid of you.
Back in 2007 when the band was getting back together, I finally found Steve after not knowing what had happened to him after he quit. I was talking to his second wife and mentioned the Fox Theater thing, and she said "I know--I was there".
"And you still married him?! Now that's love!"
We were to play on a Monday when local bands were given a chance for more exposure--no pay, but hey! 2000 person audience! However at the last minute every Monday for three weeks in a row we were told we were a no go. Each week Andrew's girlfriend and my wife had requested that Monday off so they could see us but finally both figured it was never going to happen so of course that was the week we were told be there by 6:00 P.M. I of course had a raging sore throat and it killed me to talk let alone sing.
So we arrived and were told we could go on first or last--I was hoping that eating thee packs of Hall's by the last show I could at least squeak out something, so last it was.
Next problem--Steve, our lead guitarist stated that he couldn't go on stage because he'd never played in front of that many people before. Gary our conga player took him next door to a liquor store and bought a huge bottle of cheap wine which they split. As we waited in the basement of the theater, Steve would come down each hour obviously more "loose" than before, and finally when Steve could only make guitar sounds with his mouth instead of speaking Chuck said "I think he's ready!".
First song was Land Of the Jy-Ants--this pre heavy metal drone the bass player wrote. The crowd roared their approval and I said "This is going to be easy!" to Chuck.
The audience was more or less still with us until THE PENIS SONG. Andrew started it, and when it came to part when the conga player and guitarist were talking about their
appendages, Chuck and I came out in masks: I danced with the two largest ones while Chuck opened a suitcase and started throwing the phalli out into the audience. People started screaming as if the styrofoam was burning their flesh and thus began the great stampede. By the end of the song over 3/4ths of the audience ran screaming out of the venue. Arvin, the manager of the theater, as I can recall clearly, had picked up one of the styrofoam penes, sadly shook his head and dropped it as if to say "What has rock and roll become?". In front of the stage, there was a carpeted area in which the stoners would sit--the ones that had lost the ability to run were trying to roll away from us.
I did another costume change after and came out in my American flag shirt Vicki had made me to do the Killer's HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL. At that point we got a standing applause from the handful of people that were still there. As we were picking up the remaining bits of styrofoam the sound guy came up to us from his booth.
"Hey! You guys, did you know Beefheart was here last week?"
"Yeah, we were there".
"You guys are a lot weirder than Beefheart!".
Aftermath: Steve was supposed to take an X-ray technician exam the next day, but had such a bad hangover he couldn't make it, and his wife made him quit the band.
Friday of that week we were scheduled to appear on the Eliot Mintz show on local TV, so of course we couldn't make it. We had other shows we'd been committed to
so we had to get another guitarist and teach him all out material in a two week period. We never played Andrew's song again, although we'd sure like to get together
this year and recreate our most memorable performance! I'd told the band that the only thing better than an audience liking you was one that was afraid of you.
Back in 2007 when the band was getting back together, I finally found Steve after not knowing what had happened to him after he quit. I was talking to his second wife and mentioned the Fox Theater thing, and she said "I know--I was there".
"And you still married him?! Now that's love!"
Then, during our set, pretty much everyone in his band was hovering in the wings to watch my boys. They were all very encouraging and supportive. Us, being the regionally popular local act that typically drew 1500 on a Tuesday night 30 min from Merriweather, our set was actually better attended than Rusted Root! And we outsold them in merch as well!
The list of great experiences while working w/ that band are many. There were many low points as well. The rest was a blur!
