BBQ operating procedure

[JerryR]

Important New Standard Operating Procedures released today

BBQ RULES
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert ..
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter [10ft] exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he flips the meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

 

[The Guilds of Grot]

Sounded just like our Memorial Day party! :wink:

 

[cjd-player]

I've got it even better at our house:

3.) ... man is lounging ...

5.) THE WOMAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

8.) THE WOMAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL



I was "relieved" of my cooking duties long ago

 

[AlohaJoe]

"Men will cook if there is danger involved."
- Rita Rudner

 

[taabru45]

I had a friend tell me he cooked a steak by using a couple of probes from an arc welder, stuck into it....said it cooked real fast.... :lol: :lol: :lol: Steffan

 

[dogberry]

This is not a revision to the rules so much as an advisory. If you are BBQing while wearing sandals, be careful when rearranging hot coals (perhaps let the woman do it). If you rearrange the coals too vigorously, one may jump out, land between your big toe and the one next door, and inflict excruciating 2nd degree burns on each adjacent toe as you do a one-footed dance while trying to shake the @#!!&@ coal out. The air will turn blue in the vicinity, you'll spill your Wild Turkey, you'll wake up the dog, and the resulting blisters will add weight gain due to fluid retention. Not that this has happened to me, just sayin' be careful.

 

[taabru45]

Lots of detail there for someone who it never happened to :lol: :lol: ...all the same, excellent advice. Steffan

 

[cjd-player]

This is not a revision to the rules so much as an advisory. If you are BBQing while wearing sandals, be careful when rearranging hot coals (perhaps let the woman do it). If you rearrange the coals too vigorously, one may jump out, land between your big toe and the one next door, and inflict excruciating 2nd degree burns on each adjacent toe as you do a one-footed dance while trying to shake the @#!!&@ coal out. The air will turn blue in the vicinity, you'll spill your Wild Turkey, you'll wake up the dog, and the resulting blisters will add weight gain due to fluid retention. Not that this has happened to me, just sayin' be careful.

Agreed. Very insightful level of detail there, dogberry, for having never experienced such a trauma. :wink:

You're definitely a "fine detail" man. :mrgreen:

 

[Default]

Fluid retention = medicinal Wild Turkey? :lol:

 

[dogberry]

Lots of detail there for someone who it never happened to :lol: :lol: ...all the same, excellent advice. Steffan

It happened to someone very close to me. I could feel his pain. I do b'lieve more Wild Turkey was applied internally as anesthetic and muscle relaxant.

 

[JerryR]

This is not a revision to the rules so much as an advisory. If you are BBQing while wearing sandals, be careful when rearranging hot coals (perhaps let the woman do it). If you rearrange the coals too vigorously, one may jump out, land between your big toe and the one next door, and inflict excruciating 2nd degree burns on each adjacent toe as you do a one-footed dance while trying to shake the @#!!&@ coal out. The air will turn blue in the vicinity, you'll spill your Wild Turkey, you'll wake up the dog, and the resulting blisters will add weight gain due to fluid retention. Not that this has happened to me, just sayin' be careful.

And BBQing in the nude is definitely NOT recommended in case you get a charred weiner(no I haven't tried it either, before you ask) :mrgreen:

 

[cjd-player]

in case you get a charred weiner

Jerry, you're supposed to turn it a couple of times. :roll:

 

[JerryR]

Oh - OK

Anyway, then she has to get the beer....

 

[JerryR]

Oh - OK

Anyway, then she has to get the beer....

I was thinking of this thread (well - this picture to tell the truth), when I was doing regular Barbies by the pool at the villa we rented in Portugal in June
:twisted:

 

[Graham]

I was thinking of this thread (well - this picture to tell the truth), when I was doing regular Barbies by the pool at the villa we rented in Portugal in June
:twisted:

Are these regular Barbies?

 

[JerryR]

Well - the legs look like those on the girl looking in the fridge :mrgreen:

 

[kitniyatran]

...when I was doing regular Barbies by the pool...

exhibitionist much?

 

[West R Lee]

I've got it even better at our house:

3.) ... man is lounging ...

5.) THE WOMAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

8.) THE WOMAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL



I was "relieved" of my cooking duties long ago

How do you manage that one....................sheesh, some guys have it made. Other than that, I'm reading this wondering......."Ok, is there a revelation here :wink: ? To a tee!

West

 

[cjd-player]

[quote="cjd-player":1n1309lj]I've got it even better at our house:

3.) ... man is lounging ...

5.) THE WOMAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

8.) THE WOMAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL



I was "relieved" of my cooking duties long ago

How do you manage that one....................sheesh, some guys have it made. Other than that, I'm reading this wondering......."Ok, is there a revelation here :wink: ? To a tee!

West[/quote:1n1309lj]

:lol: :lol: It's kinda like volunteering at church: If you do a job well, they ask you to do it again, then it eventually becomes yours. The reverse also works. :twisted:

Mess up enough meals, and you're not asked to cook anymore. 8)

Celebrate ineptness.

 

[JimBetts]

[quote="West R Lee":2umzbqe4][quote="cjd-player":2umzbqe4]I've got it even better at our house:

3.) ... man is lounging ...

5.) THE WOMAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

8.) THE WOMAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL



I was "relieved" of my cooking duties long ago

How do you manage that one....................sheesh, some guys have it made. Other than that, I'm reading this wondering......."Ok, is there a revelation here :wink: ? To a tee!

West[/quote:2umzbqe4]

:lol: :lol: It's kinda like volunteering at church: If you do a job well, they ask you to do it again, then it eventually becomes yours. The reverse also works. :twisted:

Mess up enough meals, and you're not asked to cook anymore. 8)

Celebrate ineptness. [/quote:2umzbqe4]

I am told I can't do any of the cooking or laundry...I have failed miserably in the past. Fortunately Cheryl is an excellent cook, I can honestly say I’ve been eating very well for several years. However, now, because of the accident, I’m doing the cooking and laundry – haha!