Addiction humor

[southernGuild]

Thats a great list Toni. Thank you. It's Very empowering, affirming and positive. I made 3 copys, ( it covers a page, Ft and back!) Stuck one in my journal, One in My wifes work diary, and the other in my daughters lunch box. It should start some interesting conversations 'round here. :wink:

 

[AlohaJoe]

A field tested "pick-up line" to score you any woman you want:
"roses are red, violets are blue, I got a gun, now get in the car".....

:shock: This is humor?

 

[adorshki]

A field tested "pick-up line" to score you any woman you want:
"roses are red, violets are blue, I got a gun, now get in the car".....

:shock: This is humor?

It is kinda tasteless, now that you mention it.
Only funny 'cause of the surprise factor.
I vote to give him a chance to recant, only because I think I've been in those shoes.
But I'd also hate to see another good thread terminated due to a momentary lapse of reason going awry.

 

[guitarjamman]

Swing and a miss.....

Lets retry:

What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
-Rap

Apologies to all if last one was tasteless; by no means meant to offend. I will try and make it up to you, after your post of groaners, let me know what Guild you would like and I will do my best to get you one!

-Zach

 

[The Guilds of Grot]

Did you hear about the cannibal that past his Grandmother in the woods?


And then of course the most ridiculus of all the theme jokes....Elephant jokes!

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
There's tracks in the butter!

How do you keep an elephant from charging?
Take away it's credit card!

How come an elephant can't ride a tricycle?
They don't have a thumb to ring the bell!


Ba-dum Bum! I'll be here all week, try the veal!

 

[TonyT]

Here's a thread closer.

What kind of Bee gives milk?

A Boo-Bee.

 

[TonyT]

Vidal Sassoon dies yesterday.BBC planned a full documentary on his life, but due to cost cutting, they've decided to just show the highlights.

 

[killdeer43]

Homemade joke alert:
What do you call a hairdresser from Saskatchewan?



Vidal Saskatoon! :lol:

Thank you, thank you very much.
Joe

 

[AlohaJoe]

Vidal Sassoon dies yesterday.BBC planned a full documentary on his life, but due to cost cutting, they've decided to just show the highlights.

I bet his fans were really frosted.

 

[adorshki]

Swing and a miss.....

Lets retry:

Somebody buy that man a beer!

 

[adorshki]

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Why do they hide in cherry trees?
So they can jump on pygmies.
What's that squishy stuff between the elephant's toes?
Slow pygmies.

And, now, I'm looking for a volunteer from the audience....

 

[fronobulax]

Why are fire engines red (with apologies to non-native English speakers and just about everyone else)?

Because one plus one is two.
Two plus two is four.
Three times four is twelve.
There are twelve inches in a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.
There was a ship named Queen Elizabeth.
The ship sailed the sea.
There are fish in the sea.
The fish have fins.
The Finns fought the Russians.
The Russians are red and


Fire engines are rushin' all over.


Why do firemen wear red suspenders?

To keep their pants up.

 

[adorshki]

Where does an elephant keep his spare tire?
In his trunk, duh!
Welcome to our new forum sub-category:
"Let's Talk Groans"

 

[dreadnut]

A grasshopper walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Bartender says "Ya know, we've got a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper says, "No kidding, you've got a drink named Schlomo?"

(I Heard Buddy Hackett tell this one on Johnny Carson)

 

[zulu]

Dad was on his death bed at home and the friends and neighbors were arriving to say their farewells. Mother was in the kitchen baking one of her famous cakes and the smell reached Dad's nose and he said he would so love to have a piece, perhaps it would be my last one ever. His request was relayed to his wife who said, "Tell him No, absolutely not, it's for the gathering after the funeral!"

 

[Default]

A field tested "pick-up line" to score you any woman you want:
"roses are red, violets are blue, I got a gun, now get in the car".....

:shock: This is humor?

I stopped using that line because the response was always, "Go out with you? I'll take the gun."

I've lost more guns than you can imagine that way. :-(

 

[DasBeef]

A field tested "pick-up line" to score you any woman you want:
"roses are red, violets are blue, I got a gun, now get in the car".....

:shock: This is humor?

I stopped using that line because the response was always, "Go out with you? I'll take the gun."

I've lost more guns than you can imagine that way. :-(

I heard a similar one.....

Does this handkerchief smell of chloroform?

Are they humour? Well, that's up to the audience. If they are, then they are certainly on the darker side. I can see how they'd be considered bad taste.
Anyway, onto lighter jokes....

You know there are only 10 types of people?
Those who understand binary and those who don't.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

Kid says to his mum, 'When I grow up I want to be a drummer!'. His mum replies, 'You can't do both'.

How many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. They just hold it while the world revolves around them.

Guy sits on a train next to a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman. He say's, 'Is this some kind of joke?'.

How many REAL men does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Real men aren't scared of the dark.

Hedgehogs. Can't they just share the hedge?


OK, I think that's enough. I'll get my coat.......

 

[bluesypicky]

Kid says to his mum, 'When I grow up I want to be a drummer!'. His mum replies, 'You can't do both'.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
My favorite!

 

[DasBeef]

Kid says to his mum, 'When I grow up I want to be a drummer!'. His mum replies, 'You can't do both'.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
My favorite!

I'll be honest. I pinched this joke from Dave Grohl. He told it in an interview I watched.

 

[dreadnut]

How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they have to be really small Pygmies...