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Thread: Warning for you Married Folks

  1. #11
    Senior Member adorshki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by griehund View Post
    You know you're an old happy married couple when you both can fart in bed. Snoring on the other hand.
    What, you don't blame it on the dogs?
    Al
    "Time May Change the Technique of Music But Never Its Mission " - Rachmaninoff
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    #2: '01 Westerly F65ce "Blondie"
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  2. #12
    Senior Member walrus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by davismanLV View Post
    As long as we're sharing stuff that makes us laugh. Plus, Al is a blonde.......
    Not surprised - blondes have more fun!

    walrus
    1984 Guild D64
    2008 PRS Hollowbody Spruce

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by adorshki View Post
    What, you don't blame it on the dogs?
    We don't let the dogs get under the covers. Hell we don't even let them on the bed.








    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4BYOJ1tc-k


    If you can't laugh at yourself, someone else will do it for you.

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  4. #14
    Now THIS is gross

    There was this woman - enormously rich, who had two things.
    a - she had never ever been with a man in "that way"
    b - she had never ever washed herself "down yonder"

    She decided one day - it is time to get me a male. She had seen videos of how things are performed. She thinks of set of attributes, that her to be husband must fulfill. So she advices her servants to look for three men - and the one who licks her two minutes "down yonder" is the right one. Servants are sent away - and after some days there are three candidates - one really royally handsome - one normal - and one disgustingly filthy and ugly. She looks at them and thinks right away "IŽll never touch THAT one" - meaning the third.

    Instead she picks the royally handsome - down to "Australia" he goes - and in about ten seconds he faints and is carried out of the room.

    The "normal" guy is next in line - but them bells toll to him at 20 seconds - out he goes.

    Now this lady gets really nervous - her stomach starts going round round round - but she has to keep the promise. She is about to womit any time now...

    The filthy man starts his job licking . . . 30 seconds pass - the woman feels nausea - one minute passes - tongue is wagging - minute and half - the woman feels diarrhea coming any second now - she can not hold it - at 1.45 bucket full of warm **** comes out - but the man is still licking.

    Two minute passed - man has done it - promise is promise - so wedding bells are ringing.

    While on honeymoon, it turns out, that this guy is actually quite civilized and smart guy with fine manners and gentle personality - actually a perfect companion. So after a month she pulls herself together and asks him how come he could pull it through.

    He said - Well it was the worst time of my entire life - and I was sure to be killed - but I just kept going on with hellŽs fire blinking in front of my eyes. Just as I was sure IŽm done and this is it and IŽll die - a sudden burst of fresh air came from God knows where - and I could easily keep on till the end.




    Enjoy

    p.s. - I heard this years ago in a musicians funeral from another musician.
    First good guitar - GUILD Duane Eddy 400 - I was 3rd owner - still regret letting it go 25 years ago - used to have Artist Award and Starfire - no regrets here.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member killdeer43's Avatar
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    Boy, this forum just took a big nose dive!
    I LOVE good jokes but all of those suck.

    Oh yeah, Al might have been a blonde at one time, however....

    Joe
    "Just give me one extra season, so I can figure out the other four."

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  6. #16
    Senior Member adorshki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by killdeer43 View Post
    Oh yeah, Al might have been a blonde at one time, however....

    Joe
    Still am, according to the last 40,000 or so follicles that're still producing.
    Recently however, I mastered the art of walking and chewing....uhhhh.....chewing....oh well, it was something hard to do.
    Al
    "Time May Change the Technique of Music But Never Its Mission " - Rachmaninoff
    My 1st Guild: '96 Westerly D25NT "Hally" (10-31-96 stamped on heelblock)
    #2: '01 Westerly F65ce "Blondie"
    #3: '03 Corona D40e Richie Havens "Richie"
    All bought new!

  7. #17
    Senior Member coastie99's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adorshki View Post
    I don't get it.
    I don't anymore either !!
    " Like meditation or yoga in Buddhist societies. it ( the Blues ) is a discipline, a structure, for the focusing of the self. "

    Charles Shaar Murray

  8. #18
    Senior Member JerryR's Avatar
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    Things are looking up! I was driven off this forum years ago by the politically correct brigade - but maybe they've gone????
    Cryogenic Jerry

    Guild - twice the guitar for half the price!
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    Oh $h*t is my most used lyric!

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  9. #19
    Senior Member adorshki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JerryR View Post
    Things are looking up! I was driven off this forum years ago by the politically correct brigade - but maybe they've gone????
    Farts ain't political but if anybody complains about borderline grossness we'll get an advisory post from a moderator. Unless they decide it's gross enough to delete.
    Jokes about politicians farting, that'd probably be over the edge.
    Even if it was an actual news report.
    Al
    "Time May Change the Technique of Music But Never Its Mission " - Rachmaninoff
    My 1st Guild: '96 Westerly D25NT "Hally" (10-31-96 stamped on heelblock)
    #2: '01 Westerly F65ce "Blondie"
    #3: '03 Corona D40e Richie Havens "Richie"
    All bought new!

  10. #20
    Super Moderator chazmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by davismanLV View Post
    A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.


    "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."


    She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.


    The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"


    She says "No, I'm really a blonde".


    "I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
    Bwahahahaha!!!
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