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Thread: Warning for you Married Folks

  1. #1
    Senior Member adorshki's Avatar
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    Warning for you Married Folks

    My aunt, the black sheep of the family before I came along, sent me this:

    DON'T FART IN BED

    This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
    The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awakened.
    The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
    Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
    He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
    The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
    Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her!
    She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

    Some time later she heard her husband awaken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a bloodcurdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
    About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
    She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
    He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
    "What do you mean?" asked his wife.
    "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
    Last edited by adorshki; 06-15-2017 at 08:03 PM. Reason: punct.
    Al
    "Time May Change the Technique of Music But Never Its Mission " - Rachmaninoff
    My 1st Guild: '96 Westerly D25NT "Hally" (10-31-96 stamped on heelblock)
    #2: '01 Westerly F65ce "Blondie"
    #3: '03 Corona D40e Richie Havens "Richie"
    All bought new!

  2. #2
    Senior Member walrus's Avatar
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    Al, that was gross! ...but funny...

    walrus
    1984 Guild D64
    2008 PRS Hollowbody Spruce

  3. #3
    You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to.

    Ralph

  4. #4
    Senior Member adorshki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by walrus View Post
    Al, that was gross! ...but funny...

    walrus
    Yeah, I thought about it for an extra half a second before I hit "post".
    Last edited by adorshki; 06-15-2017 at 08:05 PM.
    Al
    "Time May Change the Technique of Music But Never Its Mission " - Rachmaninoff
    My 1st Guild: '96 Westerly D25NT "Hally" (10-31-96 stamped on heelblock)
    #2: '01 Westerly F65ce "Blondie"
    #3: '03 Corona D40e Richie Havens "Richie"
    All bought new!

  5. #5
    Senior Member davismanLV's Avatar
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    A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.


    "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."


    She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.


    The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"


    She says "No, I'm really a blonde".


    "I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
    Tom in Vegas

    Use the good china. Life itself is the special occasion.

    Guild D65s, 1994
    Guild DV72, 1994
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  6. #6
    Senior Member davismanLV's Avatar
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    As long as we're sharing stuff that makes us laugh. Plus, Al is a blonde.......
    Tom in Vegas

    Use the good china. Life itself is the special occasion.

    Guild D65s, 1994
    Guild DV72, 1994
    Taylor GC8, 2011
    Breedlove Oregon Concert Rogue 4/12/2016
    Washburn EA-20 "Festival Series", 1995

  7. #7
    Senior Member adorshki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by davismanLV View Post
    As long as we're sharing stuff that makes us laugh. Plus, Al is a blonde.......
    I don't get it.
    Al
    "Time May Change the Technique of Music But Never Its Mission " - Rachmaninoff
    My 1st Guild: '96 Westerly D25NT "Hally" (10-31-96 stamped on heelblock)
    #2: '01 Westerly F65ce "Blondie"
    #3: '03 Corona D40e Richie Havens "Richie"
    All bought new!

  8. #8
    Senior Member davismanLV's Avatar
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    See???
    Tom in Vegas

    Use the good china. Life itself is the special occasion.

    Guild D65s, 1994
    Guild DV72, 1994
    Taylor GC8, 2011
    Breedlove Oregon Concert Rogue 4/12/2016
    Washburn EA-20 "Festival Series", 1995

  9. #9
    Senior Member adorshki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by davismanLV View Post
    See???
    It's a sight gag?
    Last edited by adorshki; 06-15-2017 at 08:44 PM.
    Al
    "Time May Change the Technique of Music But Never Its Mission " - Rachmaninoff
    My 1st Guild: '96 Westerly D25NT "Hally" (10-31-96 stamped on heelblock)
    #2: '01 Westerly F65ce "Blondie"
    #3: '03 Corona D40e Richie Havens "Richie"
    All bought new!

  10. #10
    You know you're an old happy married couple when you both can fart in bed. Snoring on the other hand.








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    If you can't laugh at yourself, someone else will do it for you.

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