Addiction humor

kitniyatran

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DasBeef said:
I heard a similar one.....

Does this handkerchief smell of chloroform?

Are they humour? Well, that's up to the audience. If they are, then they are certainly on the darker side. I can see how they'd be considered bad taste.
Anyway, onto lighter jokes....

You know there are only 10 types of people?
Those who understand binary and those who don't.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

Kid says to his mum, 'When I grow up I want to be a drummer!'. His mum replies, 'You can't do both'.

How many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. They just hold it while the world revolves around them.

Guy sits on a train next to a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman. He say's, 'Is this some kind of joke?'.

How many REAL men does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Real men aren't scared of the dark.

Hedgehogs. Can't they just share the hedge?



OK, I think that's enough. I'll get my coat.......
Love it; especially the Binary!
 

AlohaJoe

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"I went looking for camouflage pants but I couldn't find them."
- Steven Wright
 

dreadnut

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Two seagulls were sitting on a perch. One said to the other "Do you smell fish?"
 

poser

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Clyde and Millie had a fiftieth wedding anniversary party at their home. The party was over; the dishes cleaned up and they were both sitting on the couch decompressing from the big event. All of a sudden Millie looks a Clyde and punches him really hard in the arm.
Clyde, startled, says, "What was that for??"
"That was for fifty years of bad sex", says Millie.

Clyde sat there silent, then started to frown and all of a sudden punched Millie in the arm.
It was Millie's turn to be startled and ask, What was that for?"
Clyde replied, "That was for knowing the difference."
 

rampside

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It's spring time here in N. Minnesota and many of the locals smoke fish. I'm not sure how they light 'em though......ooooooophda
 

adorshki

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rampside said:
It's spring time here in N. Minnesota and many of the locals smoke fish. I'm not sure how they light 'em though......ooooooophda
Here on the left coast we smoke salmon. 8)
 

AlohaJoe

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A very elderly couple goes to a Lawyer for a divorce. The Lawyer says "How old are you two?" The man responds, "We're both 93."

The lawyer says "How long have you been married?" And the wife responds "We've been married for 72 years."

The Lawyer says "Well, why on earth would you want a divorce now?", and the husband says "We've thought it for years, but felt we should wait 'til the kids were dead." :shock:
 

dreadnut

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Two old boys just off the boat land work on a construction crew in New York. They get some lunch at the corner store, then one guy wants some chocolate, so he buys a bar of Ex-Lax, not knowing what it was. He ate the whole thing. His buddy says "What is that?" "Chocolate" he says "and it says here it makes you feel younger!"

Couple hours later on the job site his buddy says to him "You feelin' any younger?" "No" he says, "but I think I just did somethin' awful childish!" :lol:
 

AlohaJoe

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All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The Police have nothing to go on.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
 

poser

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A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer; and give me one for the road."
 
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