Darryl Hattenhauer
Venerated Member
"A Guide to eBay Terminology”
“A Guide to eBay Terminology” By Hatted FrauI recall somebody else doing this, so I thought I'd try it.
A collector’s item.
A garbage collector.
Belt-buckle rash.
Looks like herpes.
Roadworn.
It’s been dragged down the road.
All Mahogany.
Including the pickups.
Made in America.
By hungover drunks.
Non-original.
The factory had sense enough not to put one on.
Low action.
No saddle.
Fretwear only at the first two frets.
It’s impossible to play any higher.
Near Mint.
The Denver mint.
Dings and scratches.
From bullets.
Minor issues.
Major issues.
Just a two-inch crack.
Wide.
Doesn’t effect the sound.
Because it couldn’t sound any worse.
Honest wear.
Honestly, it's worn out.
Smoke-free home.
We use needles.
Might need attention.
It’s about to disintegrate.
Some finish missing.
It was applied by a huffer.
Sold as is.
That’s the only way I can keep it out of my life.
No returns.
I’m skipping town.
Classic.
Wall hanger.
You won’t be disappointed.
You’ll be outraged.
The more it’s played the better it sounds.
Until it falls apart again.
Never played out.
That's how bad it is.
Mojo.
Weather checking.
Family owned.
The Manson family.
Est. 2010.
Disestablished 2011.
Rosewood.
Firewood.
48 hour trial period.
Get a lawyer.
NOS.
POS.
There is a 2 mm separation.
There is a 2 m separation.
Adjustable bridge.
If you have a pipe wrench.
Great player.
Ugly.
I’m selling this for a friend.
I’m playing dumb.
All original.
Needs repairs.
Grover tuners
Made by Grover Cleveland.
Piezo pickup.
Trixie Piezo.
Why spend $500 on an import?
Get less guitar for more money.
A well-seasoned instrument.
We spilled salt on it.
Crack filled.
With ashes.
Tuners have original buttons.
But no shafts (except the ones we give to suckers like you).
Cleated.
With track shoe cleats.
Custom inlay.
To increase your outlay.
Below market.
It’s beneath most sellers.
Book value is $5,000.
That’s an expensive book.
Frets are in good shape.
If you like parabolas.
Ebonized fretboard.
From cigarette smoke.
Distinctive.
Nobody else would use it.
Interesting.
Weird.
Balanced sound.
Crap from one end to the other.
Delux.
All of the lux is removed.
Bone nut.
Heh-heh.
Honest playwear.
Faux playwear.
Nitro finish.
Flammable.
Quality control.
No excessive quality.
Never used.
Who’d bother?
Only one blemish.
A pimple.
Restored.
Put back in storage.
Project.
Ordeal.
The neck is straight.
From Iraq.
Does not need a neck reset.
It wouldn’t help.
Satin finish.
Cheapo finish.
Black finish.
To hide repairs.
Pre-owned.
Post-owned.
One of a kind.
Serial number removed.
Distortion humbuckers.
But they weren’t meant to be.
Chrome parts.
From a Studebaker.
Tortoise pickguard.
A genuine dead tortoise.
Flagship.
Like the Titanic.
Unused case lock.
Who would steal it?
Low Serial number.
It came in a box of cereal.
Faux alligator skin hardshell case.
Faux case.
Traditional.
Outmoded.
Bridge inlay.
Discovered in a dentist’s garbage can.
Floating pickup.
It floated in my bathtub.
Seymour Duncan.
See more dunkin’.
Clean.
Scrubbed with Boraxo.
Unmatched.
If we find a match, we’ll torch it.
Drop dead gorgeous.
Drop dead gouges.
They don’t make ‘em like this anymore.
Thank God.
Locking vibrato.
It won’t unlock.
Nickel hardware.
From Ace Hardware.
Out of phase.
Nor is it in phase.
Flamed maple.
From a wooden ash tray.
Oversized sound hole.
Pickguard crack.
I’ve owned several of these.
They don’t last.
Onboard.
Overboard.
Bolt-on neck.
Like Frankenstein’s.
Best I’ve ever played.
Only one I’ve ever played.
I’ve never seen a better one.
I’m blind.
Reasonable BIN.
If you’re unreasonable.
Glued.
With bubble gum.
Sunburst.
Sunburnt.
Truss rod works.
For superman.
Not stamped “used” or “second.“
It’s stamped “kindling.”
Incredible sound.
Unbelievably bad.
Take advantage of our free set-up.
It's worth every penny.
Free shipping.
By carrier pigeon.
Please ask all questions via email.
So I'll have time to dream up an answer.
Buy with confidence.
Confident that you got rooked.
Our hours are Monday thru Friday, 10am-9pm.
If we're here.
We aim for all 5 stars.
But we always miss.
Kept for decades under a bed.
A waterbed.
Please let us know what we can do for you.
Do you prefer lube?
“A Guide to eBay Terminology” By Hatted FrauI recall somebody else doing this, so I thought I'd try it.
A collector’s item.
A garbage collector.
Belt-buckle rash.
Looks like herpes.
Roadworn.
It’s been dragged down the road.
All Mahogany.
Including the pickups.
Made in America.
By hungover drunks.
Non-original.
The factory had sense enough not to put one on.
Low action.
No saddle.
Fretwear only at the first two frets.
It’s impossible to play any higher.
Near Mint.
The Denver mint.
Dings and scratches.
From bullets.
Minor issues.
Major issues.
Just a two-inch crack.
Wide.
Doesn’t effect the sound.
Because it couldn’t sound any worse.
Honest wear.
Honestly, it's worn out.
Smoke-free home.
We use needles.
Might need attention.
It’s about to disintegrate.
Some finish missing.
It was applied by a huffer.
Sold as is.
That’s the only way I can keep it out of my life.
No returns.
I’m skipping town.
Classic.
Wall hanger.
You won’t be disappointed.
You’ll be outraged.
The more it’s played the better it sounds.
Until it falls apart again.
Never played out.
That's how bad it is.
Mojo.
Weather checking.
Family owned.
The Manson family.
Est. 2010.
Disestablished 2011.
Rosewood.
Firewood.
48 hour trial period.
Get a lawyer.
NOS.
POS.
There is a 2 mm separation.
There is a 2 m separation.
Adjustable bridge.
If you have a pipe wrench.
Great player.
Ugly.
I’m selling this for a friend.
I’m playing dumb.
All original.
Needs repairs.
Grover tuners
Made by Grover Cleveland.
Piezo pickup.
Trixie Piezo.
Why spend $500 on an import?
Get less guitar for more money.
A well-seasoned instrument.
We spilled salt on it.
Crack filled.
With ashes.
Tuners have original buttons.
But no shafts (except the ones we give to suckers like you).
Cleated.
With track shoe cleats.
Custom inlay.
To increase your outlay.
Below market.
It’s beneath most sellers.
Book value is $5,000.
That’s an expensive book.
Frets are in good shape.
If you like parabolas.
Ebonized fretboard.
From cigarette smoke.
Distinctive.
Nobody else would use it.
Interesting.
Weird.
Balanced sound.
Crap from one end to the other.
Delux.
All of the lux is removed.
Bone nut.
Heh-heh.
Honest playwear.
Faux playwear.
Nitro finish.
Flammable.
Quality control.
No excessive quality.
Never used.
Who’d bother?
Only one blemish.
A pimple.
Restored.
Put back in storage.
Project.
Ordeal.
The neck is straight.
From Iraq.
Does not need a neck reset.
It wouldn’t help.
Satin finish.
Cheapo finish.
Black finish.
To hide repairs.
Pre-owned.
Post-owned.
One of a kind.
Serial number removed.
Distortion humbuckers.
But they weren’t meant to be.
Chrome parts.
From a Studebaker.
Tortoise pickguard.
A genuine dead tortoise.
Flagship.
Like the Titanic.
Unused case lock.
Who would steal it?
Low Serial number.
It came in a box of cereal.
Faux alligator skin hardshell case.
Faux case.
Traditional.
Outmoded.
Bridge inlay.
Discovered in a dentist’s garbage can.
Floating pickup.
It floated in my bathtub.
Seymour Duncan.
See more dunkin’.
Clean.
Scrubbed with Boraxo.
Unmatched.
If we find a match, we’ll torch it.
Drop dead gorgeous.
Drop dead gouges.
They don’t make ‘em like this anymore.
Thank God.
Locking vibrato.
It won’t unlock.
Nickel hardware.
From Ace Hardware.
Out of phase.
Nor is it in phase.
Flamed maple.
From a wooden ash tray.
Oversized sound hole.
Pickguard crack.
I’ve owned several of these.
They don’t last.
Onboard.
Overboard.
Bolt-on neck.
Like Frankenstein’s.
Best I’ve ever played.
Only one I’ve ever played.
I’ve never seen a better one.
I’m blind.
Reasonable BIN.
If you’re unreasonable.
Glued.
With bubble gum.
Sunburst.
Sunburnt.
Truss rod works.
For superman.
Not stamped “used” or “second.“
It’s stamped “kindling.”
Incredible sound.
Unbelievably bad.
Take advantage of our free set-up.
It's worth every penny.
Free shipping.
By carrier pigeon.
Please ask all questions via email.
So I'll have time to dream up an answer.
Buy with confidence.
Confident that you got rooked.
Our hours are Monday thru Friday, 10am-9pm.
If we're here.
We aim for all 5 stars.
But we always miss.
Kept for decades under a bed.
A waterbed.
Please let us know what we can do for you.
Do you prefer lube?
