Performing disasters!!!

[evenkeel]

Guitar dudes thread on performing got me to thinking about some of the trainwrecks those of us that play live have likely been thru. Or maybe I'm the only one!!!!

Couple of years ago I was playing in a duo at a local coffee shop. We are 2-3 songs into a 45 minute-one hour set. I introduce our next tune, "here's an old favorite from the Eagles, Peaceful, Easy, Feeling." Well the words are barely out and a woman in the audience blurts out "I love that song" and marches up on stage to sing harmony. I sing lead, my partner does harmony and all the lead guitar riffs and fills. I sort of know the woman, she sings and plays keyboards so I figure it will be fine. Well we did the song in C and she's singing in something else. Not even sure it's in the A-G scale, might be K maybe. I'm pissed, struggling to stay on pitch. My partner, who was sharing his mic with the woman, has wisely backed away and is focused on the guitar bits. By the end I'm no longer pissed, but I'm having a hard time not laughing hysterically. This was just a disaster of a song.

At that point we were so relaxed, what could possibly be worse, we had a great time. And a great lesson. Have fun, don't sweat it.

 

[walrus]

Great story!

I have not been performing long, and only at open mics, but around 8 months ago or so I was attempting an acoustic version of "Locomotive Breath". Had a guy on bongos, it was going very well, rockin' actually, when all of a sudden I realized that some people might be offended (the host Borders store in particular) by the lyrics "got him by the balls". So of course I lost my mojo and immediately forgot what I was doing and completely messed up the song. I actually stopped in the middle of the song, a huge gaffe. Luckily, this is a very friendly open mic, and no one minded...but pretty embarassing nonetheless.

I have never done that again, thankfully!

walrus

 

[Rich]

I had a bass player that wigged out in the middle of a song in front of about 900 people. He just started playing the wrong notes and couldn't remember the song. I could have crawled under the stage and died. :mrgreen:

 

[dklsplace]

Just played at a church a couple weeks back where the bass player wasn't able to make it for the morning run through, & didn't seem to have much idea what he was doing during the service. The electronic drum kit also had a mind of it's own that day.......pretty much limited sounds regardless of what the drummer tried. Now & then a snare whack would break through. Felt bad for both guys & the worship leader. :?

 

[fronobulax]

I had a bass player that wigged out in the middle of a song in front of about 900 people. He just started playing the wrong notes and couldn't remember the song. I could have crawled under the stage and died. :mrgreen:

Have we ever played together? 8)

 

[fronobulax]

Just played at a church a couple weeks back where the bass player wasn't able to make it for the morning run through, & didn't seem to have much idea what he was doing during the service.

Have we ever played together?

 

[FNG]

One time, in a lifetime far away, I was pounding Red Hooks one night in a little pizza pub in a rainy little town on the Oregon Coast, Roger's Zoo, I think it was called. They had a acoustic trio playing, and after a beer or twelve, I started mouthing off for them to play some blues. During the break, I started talking to them, talking smack about how I could wail on the blues harp. Which I honestly can play some blues on the harp. So they called my bluff. The next set, they call me up, sit me down, hand me a mike and a harp, and say...let's see what you got, tuff guy. Standard three chord blues song, and in my drunken state, I think I actually pulled it off. I got a standing ovation from the crowd. Of about 3 loggers, two tables of Dead Heads, and the wait staff(since I was a big tipper). The owner missed it, as he was out back smoking some weed. After the song, it gets hazy, but I vaguely remember more Red Hooks, fire trucks, broken glass, a long walk home on a foggy and rainy night, and a pissed off wife.

 

[dreadnut]

Effingy, I swear I've been to the same bar, but it was nowhere near Oregon. Wait a minute...

I was doing a bluegrass gig at a Bed & Breakfast which was largely attended by, shall we say, church people. My stand-up bass player blurts out a joke you may or may not have heard about a priest, and a parishoner who inavertantly admits he's had unnatural relations with a goat...OK...for our next song...Geez Louise, how do you follow that up?

PS, I've never invited him to play another gig with us...

 

[zzrider]

A few years ago I was working on the road and found myself with nothing to do on a Thursday night. The paper advertised an open mic - thats something I've always wanted to try - they encouraged originals, so I ran through my best 4 or 5, had a couple shots of 80 proof bravery and headed on down.

With the show scheduled to start at 7:30 I got there at around 7 and put my name on a list - there were a half-dozen signed up already and I slotted in about 9.

Whoa! its a coffeehouse! I'll have a cup! It's only 7:20 - I'll have another. 7:42 - refill time. 8:03 one more, etc, etc.

I'm nervous when playing solo anyway and 5 cups of beatnik brew didn't help. I think I played 4, 4 minute songs - in around 11 minutes. I did rememeber most of the words though.

 

[spiderman]

Evenkeel
Put me in touch with that woman, I play in K all the time especially capoed up, normally its in H :mrgreen:

At least by the end you had that peaceful easy feeling :lol:


Harmony H-173 bought in 1960 (retired), Alvarez AC60S 2008, Eastman AC320ce 2008 "Hybrid", Guild GAD-JF30E(blonde) 2008, Guild JF55 1997, Guild D25M 1974, Martin Grand J35E 2009

 

[evenkeel]

Great stories... FNG that is hysterical!!!

Have fun, don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff!!!

 

[killdeer43]

don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff!!!

I have that book.
I keep it in the bathroom bookcase for moments of serious, in-depth pondering. :wink:

It sits right next to The Great American Bathroom Book.

Joe

 

[fronobulax]

My stand-up bass player blurts out a joke

I'm beginning to sense a theme here that I find personally disturbing.

Luckily I have difficulty singing and playing simultaneously so I am never near a mic and thus that is one problem that won't occur.

8)

 

[RussD]

Performing as a duo a few years back, had a table that was loud and obnoxious. Tried the usual - playing directly to them, playing quieter, making jokes about not paying attention. Then, perhaps assisted by just a wee bit of Stoli, made more direct comments, until I finally made a rude comment about deaf people.

THAT's how long they waited before someone told me they were students from just next door - from the Texas School for the Deaf.

Went over later, apologized and made friends. After that I could honestly say some of our biggest fans were from the school for the deaf.
Which made sooo much sense! :lol:

 

[Qvart]

I was in a punk band about a decade ago in a little college town with like 20,000 students. Over the winter break the town emptied out and a lot of restaurants and bars would close early as it's not worth staying open for normal hours until everyone returns. One of the bars asked us if we wanted to put on a show hoping to bring in some business, so we got a hold of another band that played with us sometimes and set it up. The turnout was very meager and the venue was a below-ground dank dive of a bar with a low ceiling and tiny stage. The other band had built up a (deserved) reputation of crazy beer-soaked drunken punk rock shows. At a previous show they asked to borrow my amp and I made them put it way back by the drummer to keep it from getting soaked. Anyway, this night they decided to live up to their reputation and beyond by flinging copies of Playboy, Penthouse, etc. out into the crowd. By the time we played the bar was completely covered in trampled pages of porn and stinking beer. We plugged in and started cranking out our stripped-down fast punk and during one song my amp started cutting out. I was having a lot of trouble hearing myself and kept getting lost so I turned away from the crowd to try to find my place. The drummer kept motioning at me and saying something but I couldn't hear. I focused on trying to hear my amp but he kept yelling at me. So I yelled "What? What?" and finally I realized he was motioning and yelling at me to turn around instead of facing towards my amp. He apparently didn't understand that I couldn't hear my amp, and since we were in the process of falling apart as a band and I hated this guy with a passion, I decided to mess with him. So I yelled "What are you saying? You want me to kick over your high hat?" while I kept playing and I started giving the high hat little kicks so it would tip while he was trying to play. He kept yelling at me to turn around, and now he was getting pissed. Finally I kicked the high hat over completely and in one motion he jumped out from behind the drum kit and clocked me on the jaw. Fortunately, he wasn't nearly the bada$$ he pretended to be and it wasn't much worse than a slap. It took me a good ten or fifteen seconds to realize that he had actually hit me. Needless to say that was our last show. Wow. Those were the days.

 

[adorshki]

My stand-up bass player blurts out a joke

I'm beginning to sense a theme here that I find personally disturbing.
Luckily I have difficulty singing and playing simultaneously so I am never near a mic and thus that is one problem that won't occur.
8)

Don't feel too bad. I can't talk and type at the same time. Fortunately I don't like to chew gum or I wouldn't be able to walk either.
Why do blondes drive everywhere?
So they can chew gum.
Why do they get in so many accidents?
'Cause they can't drive and chew gum at the same time either.
When they were extricating her poor battered body from the wreckage they found her cellphone in her mouth, gum in her ear, and a tube of Preparation H in the glove box. The EMT, consumed with curiosity, asked her why she had a tube of Prepapration H in her glove box. As she was passing out she said: " I was a Girl Scout and they taught me to be prepared. That's in case I get rear-ended."
You may throw tomatoes now, here, I have a whole bushel for sale at 39 cents each!

 

[adorshki]

Needless to say that was our last show. Wow. Those were the days.

:lol: :lol: :lol: Can we find it on YouTube? :lol:

 

[Qvart]

Needless to say that was our last show. Wow. Those were the days.

:lol: :lol: :lol: Can we find it on YouTube? :lol:

Thankfully......NO!!! :lol:

 

[JerryR]

One time, in a lifetime far away, I was pounding Red Hooks one night in a little pizza pub in a rainy little town on the Oregon Coast, Roger's Zoo, I think it was called. They had a acoustic trio playing, and after a beer or twelve, I started mouthing off for them to play some blues. During the break, I started talking to them, talking smack about how I could wail on the blues harp. Which I honestly can play some blues on the harp. So they called my bluff. The next set, they call me up, sit me down, hand me a mike and a harp, and say...let's see what you got, tuff guy. Standard three chord blues song, and in my drunken state, I think I actually pulled it off. I got a standing ovation from the crowd. Of about 3 loggers, two tables of Dead Heads, and the wait staff(since I was a big tipper). The owner missed it, as he was out back smoking some weed. After the song, it gets hazy, but I vaguely remember more Red Hooks, fire trucks, broken glass, a long walk home on a foggy and rainy night, and a pissed off wife.

Sounds like you had a great night

I've mentioned in a previous thread about a drunken gig some 30 years ago when I sang outa tune most of the night with the band I was with, having been given about 5 tumblers of Scotch by the host, a Scot called John Connolly (Billy Connolly's cousin), and had to listen to a tape recording of the whole sorry affair the next morning

 

[Terry Allan Hall]

Great story!

I have not been performing long, and only at open mics, but around 8 months ago or so I was attempting an acoustic version of "Locomotive Breath". Had a guy on bongos, it was going very well, rockin' actually, when all of a sudden I realized that some people might be offended (the host Borders store in particular) by the lyrics "got him by the balls". So of course I lost my mojo and immediately forgot what I was doing and completely messed up the song. I actually stopped in the middle of the song, a huge gaffe. Luckily, this is a very friendly open mic, and no one minded...but pretty embarassing nonetheless.

I have never done that again, thankfully!

walrus

I just substitute another word or a comical term for the (potentially) offensive word...in that particular case, I'll generally use "cojones"...and wink. 8)

Everyone in Texas will understand, most will smile. :lol:

Another example (that I use a few tines a week, as this is an oft-requested tune) is in the song "LA Freeway" - the line "Son-of-a-bitch always bored me" becomes "That's one guy who's always bored me".

I primarily play "Family-friendly" gigs, so there are some other songs I've "PG'd up"...my rule is to keep the story line intact, but never offend.

My stand-up bass player blurts out a joke

I'm beginning to sense a theme here that I find personally disturbing.

Luckily I have difficulty singing and playing simultaneously so I am never near a mic and thus that is one problem that won't occur.

8)

My non-medically-influenced theory: All those low frequencies scramble bassist's brains... :lol: