Business letter

[dreadnut]

My "Writing for Business" class has been a butt load of work :shock: So Ithought I'd have some fun with one of the required business letters for my portfolio, I hope my prof has a sense of humor :mrgreen: Here it is:

Mere Image Oldies Band
1234 56th Ave.
New York, NY 12345

October 26, 2009
Mr. Amaal Shukup
Elvis Guitars, LTD.
PO Box 1978
New York, NY 12345

Dear Mr. Shukup:
I am writing to request a full refund for the Elvis guitar I purchased on October 12, 2009.
This guitar began literally falling apart after only one week of use. The neck is separating from the body, and evidently the string tension is causing the neck to pull forward, which makes it impossible to play. The face of the guitar is beginning to warp, and the bridge is peeling off. The finish is also beginning to flake off, which, by the way, reveals that this guitar is made from particle board, not “solid wood” as stated in your advertising flyer.
When I tried returning this guitar to the store where I bought it, I was told there was nothing they could do about it and that the instrument had “obviously been abused.” This is simply not the case, as I did nothing other than attempt to play the guitar a few times.
I am therefore requesting a full refund in the amount of $299.99 plus 6% sales tax, for a total of $317.99. I will gladly return the guitar to the store again, or ship it directly to your address if you will pay for the shipping.
Sincerely,

Joe Sixstring, Manager

 

[killdeer43]

"Amaal Shukup?" :lol: :lol:

Well, if he doesn't like it, I certainly do. There's so much Elvis-related humor out there, whether it's in the song titles or just the King himself. It's like a fertile field waiting for the plow! :roll:

Thank you...thank you very much,
Joe

 

[taabru45]

Hey Dread, sounds like they sent you one of those late night infomercial guitars instead...did it come with a leather hat? :lol: :lol: Steffan

 

[cjd-player]

Dear Mr. Sixstring.

We received your letter that you sent to Mr. Shukup. He forwarded that letter to me. Frankly, we are surprised and sorry to hear that you are not satisfied with your new Elvis guitar. As our initial offering to the public, these guitars have been top sellers for us, with record breaking sales around the globe.

Allow me to address your concerns:

We advertise the guitar as being manufactured from solid wood because it is. All of the small particles of solid wood are carefully selected from chips of the rare and almost extinct HogRosePineMaple tree. These special trees are only harvested by scantily-clad virgins at midnight during a full moon on the third Tuesday of the month.

The grain structures of the solid wood particles are carefully aligned as they are hermetically sealed within a polycrystalline resin during our proprietary process that we call Compression Structrurizing. This makes the solid wood particles impervious to global warming and British humour.

The structural attributes of the guitar that you have so astutely noted are the noteworthy accomplishment of our custom shop. You may be aware that other prominent guitar companies market guitars as “Relic” or “Roadworn”. We believe that those marketing efforts are simply ways to sell guitars that do not pass final inspection with regards to fit and finish.

However, here at Elvis Guitars, LTD, we have taken the concept of special guitars to a new level with our first production model. In this and all future artist signature guitars we carefully match the attributes of the guitar to the attributes of the inspirational artist. For example, in the same way that the musical career of our company namesake, Elvis, fell apart, your guitar humbly attempts to mimic that life accomplishment. In the industry, we refer to that as mojo.

We believe that if you carefully reexamine the wonderful instrument that you have purchased, and the relationship of the guitar to the iconic artist who inspired its creation, you will appreciate that you hold in your hands a uniquely-crafted instrument that will touch your emotions on the deepest levels for many years to come.

We are humbled by the fact that you have chosen one of our fine instruments, and we appreciate your partnership with us in filling the world with wonderful music.

Sincerely,

Mr. U. R. Skrewed
Customer Relations

 

[fronobulax]

Dear Mr. Sixstring

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

You don't, by any chance, work for a customer relations or marketing organization, do you?

 

[dreadnut]

If he doesn't, he ought to! In fact, there was so much doublespeak in that response, he could almost be a politician!

By the way, I borrowed "Amaal Shukup" from the credits at the end of my favorite radio program. Car Talk

 

[killdeer43]

Amaal is in good company with Heywood U. Buzzoff, Pickup Andropoff, the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe, Margie Navaro, et al. Car Talk is a Saturday morning staple here.

Did you ever hear the guy who said his car sounded like Elvis when he tried to start it? Went something like...unhunh, hunh, uhunh, hunh, etc......the spelling is tough but if you know Elvis, you can just hear that old Volvo trying to turn over. :lol: :lol:

Don't drive like my brother,
Joe

 

[cjd-player]

Dear Mr. Sixstring

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

You don't, by any chance, work for a customer relations or marketing organization, do you?

No, but I do provide technical support to industrial customers and often have to politely tell them that they have no idea what they are talking about. :roll:
:lol: